The Rules of Soccer as Dictated By My 3-Year-Old Daughter

Upon finding her soccer ball and carrying it to the park tonight, my daughter set down the rules for our soccer game — held on softball diamond.

1. “You sit over there* until I call you.”

(*“On the bench?” Yes. “You’re benching me again?” Yes.)

2. “I kick the ball to that base.”

3. “When I call you, you go to that base*.”

(*A different base than the one she would be at.)

4. “Then run and kick the ball to me.”

5. “Then go back to your seat.”

6. “And cheer for me.”

7. “Also, keep your eyes on the ball.”

8. “And cheer for me.”

9. “Now go sit over there.”

(Can’t we just pass it back and forth?)

10. “No.”


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